Infidelity
by GreenGirl47
Summary: From Can't Hardly Wait: The follow up to "One Last Time" and the second in my CHW quartet. R & R plz.
1. Convince Me

*Disclaimer: Kenny and Denise belong to Harry Elfont and Deb Kaplan. Nessa, Josh, Keith, and Eric belong to me.  
*A/N: This is the follow up to "One Last Time", and the second in my CHW quartet. I used artistic liscense on the Darvocet part... taking 3 when you're drunk could kill you. But not in *my* world! LOL. R & R. Thx.   
  
  
  
  
Four weeks and five days.   
  
That's how long it had been since Denise and Kenny saw each other last. Four weeks and five days without being held, without being kissed, without being cuddled, without anything.  
  
That's what Denise was thinking as she sat down at the laptop in her small dorm room to check and see if Kenny was online. She gritted her teeth in annoyance as the computer went through its routine of screeches and beeps before granting her access to her e-mail. She waited impatiently through the electronic "Welcome!" for the always exciting "You've got mail!" but it didn't come.  
  
"Damn," she muttered, disappointed at the sight of her empty in-box. "Guess he's not home yet."  
"Who's not home yet?"   
Denise started at the sound of a voice behind her and turned around. Her roommate, Nessa, was standing in the doorway, peering curiously over her shoulder at the computer screen.  
"Nessa, you scared the crap outta me," Denise said, giving her a dirty look. Nessa shrugged as she walked over to her.  
"Sorry," she replied. "I figured you heard me come in."  
"No, I didn't," Denise told her. "You know, just in case you couldn't tell by my almost having a heart attack there."   
Nessa giggled.  
"God, you're wound," she said. "What's the matter?"  
"Nothing," Denise answered. Nessa looked at her skeptically.  
"You mean nothing as in 'nothing's wrong', or nothing as in 'nothing from my boyfriend'?"  
"I mean it's nothing," Denise repeated, annoyed at the accuracy of Nessa's divination. She closed the laptop with an agitated click and stood up to face her.   
Nessa stared at her a moment, then shook her head.   
"Honestly, Denise, you gotta relax."  
Denise tossed her a quizzical look.   
"What's that supposed to mean?"  
Nessa threw her hands up dramatically.  
"Well, look at you! You're a head case. All stressed out and we're only a month into school."  
"I'm not stressed," Denise said.  
"Yes, you are. I am too. College isn't easy."  
"Yeah. And?  
"And you're missing your boyfriend."  
"What does that have to do with anything?"   
Nessa smiled slyly.  
"You need some play, girl. You're starved for affection. You're gonna waste away if you don't get some action soon."  
Denise rolled her eyes.  
"Do you always let your hormones do the talking?"  
"Pretty much," Nessa replied. "But seriously, you gotta unwind. You should come with me to this party tonight--"  
"Party?" Denise retorted. "Oh no. Parties are so not my thing."  
"Why?" Nessa asked. Denise raised an eyebrow.  
"All it is is a bunch of people getting stoned, getting drunk, and getting laid."  
"Exactly," Nessa replied.  
"Not my idea of a good time."  
"And that's why you need to go. You gotta refine your partying skills."  
Denise shook her head amusedly.   
"You're a psycho."  
Nessa grinned.  
"Maybe so. But this psycho needs her roommate to come to the party tonight." She gave Denise a pleading look.  
"I don't think so."  
"Come on. What else are you gonna do?"  
"I'll find stuff to keep me busy. Unlike you, I can stand being alone for more than fifteen minutes."  
Nessa's expression turned from pleading to slightly irked.  
"What's with the social phobia?"  
"I don't want to go to one party and that makes me a social phobic?"  
"It's not one party, Denise. You haven't gone to any parties so far. Or any other type of social gathering for that matter."  
"So?"  
"So?" Nessa repeated. "Don't you want to make friends here? Have people to hang out with?"  
"I have friends here," Denise told her. She felt a sudden pang of sadness. Just not the ones I care about.   
  
Denise was surprised at herself for getting so homesick so often. Her whole life, she'd been planning on leaving Huntington Hills as soon as she graduated. But now that she was actually gone, she found that she was missing everything. She missed waking up every morning to the sound of her mom's soap operas blaring from the TV in the living room. She missed being able to spend forty-five minutes in the shower without getting yelled at. She missed having a room of her own. And more than anything, she missed Kenny. She missed his laugh, his quirky grin, even the silly "I'm-thinking-dirty-things" look he gave her when he wanted to piss her off. Denise felt like her heart was half empty without him. Could she really survive another eight weeks alone?  
  
"Denise. He-llo? Anyone in there?"  
Denise was snapped back to reality by Nessa's hands waving in front of her face. She flinched and took a step backwards as one of them narrowly missed her eye. Nessa stopped waving and gave her a funny look. "Are you on crack?" she asked.  
"On crack?" Denise let out a bemused laugh. "Yeah, okay."   
"I'm serious. You were all hot and bothered one second and then, like, in a total daze the next."  
She shrugged.  
"I was just thinking."  
"Thinking about what?" Nessa pried.  
"Stuff," Denise answered shortly.   
"Were you thinking about how much fun we're gonna have at the party tonight?"  
Denise groaned.  
"Will you shut up about it?"  
"Nope. Not unless you come."  
"You are so irritating!"  
"You think this is irritating?" Nessa asked. "You haven't seen the half of it."  
"Spare me the other half, please."  
Nessa stomped a foot impatiently.  
"Denise! Enough!" she exclaimed dramatically. "You're being ridiculous!"  
"I'm being-"  
"Shhh!" Nessa interrupted sternly. "Now you are coming to this party tonight if I have to drag you there by your hair. It's for your own good!"   
Denise recognized the crazed determination in her eyes and sighed.  
"Fine," she snapped. "You win. I'll go to the fricken party."  
Nessa's expression quickly switched from angry to ecstatic.  
"Yes!" she squealed. "Now go get ready, it starts in an hour."  
_________________________________________________________________________________  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. The Party

"How do I look?" Nessa asked Denise as they reached the door of the frat house that was playing host to the wild gathering. Denise checked her over, sizing up her choice of apparel. Nessa sported a white, midriff-baring T-shirt and a pair of flared khakis. Her curly black hair was pulled up into in an unruly ponytail, a few stray strands hanging in her face. A subtle layer of deep purple eye shadow accented her dark brown eyes. She looked preppy, but with a definite party edge. That was exactly what Denise told her.  
"How about me? Am I up to your standards?" she asked sarcastically. Nessa glanced appraisingly at Denise's form-fitting, black zip-up sweater and jeans.  
"Well, you could be showing a little skin or some cleavage or something…" she said.  
Denise rolled her eyes.  
"…but you look really nice."  
"Thanks."  
Nessa grinned.  
"Ready to go in?" she asked.  
"I guess so."  
"Great. Come on."  
She opened the door, and the two girls walked inside. Almost immediately they were swept into the massive, sweaty crowd that overflowed the room.  
  
Whoa, Denise thought. Sensory overload.   
  
There were people all over the poorly lit dorm, dancing, drinking, talking, and making out. The walls were throbbing with the deep techno-rave music that regulated the pulse of the party. Bitter smelling cigarette smoke mixed dizzily with the contrastingly sweet smelling smoke of marijuana, leaving Denise feeling slightly nauseated.   
  
Aside from the main room, there was an area she guessed to be the kitchen, but the plastic cups and beer bottles that littered the counters and floor pretty much made it unrecognizable. There were a few doors toward the back, probably bedrooms and a bathroom, that were no doubt being used as hook-up rooms that night. A small staircase was also located in the back of the dorm that led to the second floor, on which there were another two bedrooms and a bathroom.  
  
Whoever lives here's got it good, Denise thought, picturing the one-bedroom, one-bathroom, often-cluttered dorm she shared with Nessa.   
  
"Denise!" Nessa shouted over the din of the partiers. "Let's get something to drink!"  
Denise shook her head.  
"It's okay. I'm not much of a drinker."  
"It's just beer! Having one won't do that much to you!"  
Denise rolled her eyes, but didn't protest as Nessa took her by the arm and led her over to the keg. Two guys sat on the counter next to it, talking loudly and downing huge gulps of alcohol. They interrupted their drunken conversation when they saw Nessa and Denise approaching and gave a wolf whistle.   
"Nessa Palmer!" shouted the tall, dark-haired one. "You get hotter every time I see you!"  
Nessa laughed flirtily and gave him a hug.  
"Hey Eric," she said. "You're not so bad yourself!"   
She turned to the shorter, red-haired guy.  
"Keith. How's it hanging?"  
"Long and strong," he grinned.  
Denise groaned inwardly at Keith's obnoxious reply. That was such a stereotypically male thing to say.  
"Nessa," Eric said, eyeing Denise. "Aren't you gonna introduce us to your friend?"  
"Oh yeah, sorry. Guys, this is my roommate, Denise Fleming."  
"Hey Denise," they said.  
"Hey," she replied, giving them a small nod.  
"How come we haven't seen you around before?" Keith asked. Denise smiled.   
"Um, I'm in your Medieval Lit class." She laughed sardonically to herself as Keith squinted at her, trying to figure out who she was. Just like high school. Anonymous.  
"Sorry," he said. "I must be more wasted than I thought, cuz I don't recognize you."   
"Not a problem," she told him. "Most people don't."  
Keith started to say something else, but Nessa interrupted him.  
"Here's your drink, Denise." She handed her a translucent orange cup. It was filled to the brim with frothing cold liquid. Denise gave her a drippingly sweet smile.  
"Gee, thanks so much, Nessa."  
Nessa shot her a look before turning back to Eric and Keith and saying "Well guys, it was nice talking to you, but we gotta go, ya know, mingle."  
"See ya," Eric called as Nessa and Denise turned and walked away.  
"They seem like quite the intellectuals," Denise commented, taking a sip of her drink. Nessa jabbed her in the ribs.  
"Must you always be so sarcastic? Eric and Keith are great guys. They're just kicking back tonight. They're partying."  
"Um, whatever." Denise took another sip of her drink, wrinkling her nose at the acidic feeling that took over her mouth and throat. "By the way Nessa, this stuff doesn't taste like beer," she said, peering into her cup.   
"What's wrong with it?"  
"I dunno. It tastes stronger. And it burns more when I swallow it."  
"That's probably because you don't drink that often," Nessa offered quickly. "You're not used to it. Just finish this one and the next one won't be so bad." She drained the rest of her beer, grabbed another from a guy standing nearby, and downed half of that one in a single gulp.   
"Impressive," Denise said with a disgusted look. "That's quite a talent." Nessa gave a sigh of frustration at her sharp comments.  
"Look, I'm trying to help here. I don't like it that you're always alone, it worries me. I want you to have fun and meet new people, but if you don't want to then I can't make you."  
Denise was surprised by Nessa's sincerity, and more than a little touched by her concern.  
"I appreciate the effort," she said. "But I'm okay, really. Go and find some gorgeous guy to dance with. I'll just hang out. Blend in. Do my usual thing."  
"Really? You don't mind?"  
"Like I could stop you if I did."  
Nessa smiled. "Okay. But if you decide to go back to our room, just come find me first."  
"Sure," Denise said. "Good luck."  
Nessa waved then disappeared into the crowd, leaving Denise standing awkwardly next to a couch occupied by an oblivious couple. She looked around self-consciously for a minute, trying to see if she recognized any of the other party-goers. But then she realized that none of the people she was friends with at NYU were the type of people to attend something like this.  
Then again, I'm not either, she thought. She winced as a girl with vomit all down the front of her ran by. Maybe I should just leave.   
  
Denise began making her way through the crowd in search of Nessa, finishing the last of her beer with a few nervous gulps. She coughed as the alcohol flared up in her throat, and tossed the empty cup to the floor. A wave of dizziness swept over her as she peered through the hot, tightly packed throng of people.   
Oh God, I gotta get some fresh air before I puke.   
She took a deep breath to calm her stomach, then turned around and headed toward the door. She'd barely gotten three steps when she was suddenly slammed into by one of the partiers.  
"Watch where you're going!" she spat, glaring at the back of her offender's head. He turned around and looked down at her.  
"Sorry! It was an accid--" he apologized, stopping short. A look of disbelief passed over his face. "Denise? Denise Fleming?"   
"Yeah?" she asked, caught off guard by the recognition in his voice. Who the hell knows my name here? She stared at him, taking in his features. Tall. Skinny. Slightly tanned skin. Dusty brown hair in mushroom cut style. Deep coffee-colored eyes. Oh. My. God. "Um, hi Josh."  
  
Josh Briggs. Denise's first and only attempt at a high school relationship.  
  
Denise met Josh junior year in science class when they were both assigned to the same lab table. They didn't talk much at first, but after they got to know each other Denise found that she was incredibly attracted to him. Besides being very good-looking, Josh was smarter than most guys his age and had a very dry sense of humor. His blasé attitude toward popularity and conformity was one that Denise could totally relate to. He made her feel completely at ease, something not many people had the power to do. He was different, and she liked that.  
  
Their friendship quickly blossomed and thrived, but the school year came and went without any romance between the two of them. Although she was a little disappointed, Denise wasn't surprised that things hadn't worked out. She figured that she wasn't the type to get involved anyway. She was surprised, though, when she got a call from Josh in the middle of July asking her to go on a date. She accepted without hesitation, and they met at a small cafe later that evening.  
  
Following suite of a typical high school date, Denise and Josh began with an informal dinner, washed it down with a make out sesh at a movie, and finished up in the backseat of his car.   
  
The first half of the date was perfect. Dinner and a movie-- albeit an unwatched one-- are always great to get the ball rolling on a first date. The second half, however, was a big mistake on their part. Losing your virginity to someone the first time you go out with him isn't exactly a relationship clincher. It just makes things weird. Josh and Denise didn't speak as they got dressed, nor did they exchange any words on the drive home. The goodnight kiss was quick and dry, and she didn't watch after him as he drove away. All she could do was think, So that's sex. He didn't tell her he would call, and he kept his promise. The next time she saw him was on the first day of school, walking down the hall with some preppy sweater job hanging off his arm. Figures, she'd thought, and banished the memory of that night to the deepest corner of her mind.   
  
But as she stood there in the middle of the party, staring in disbelief at the person before her, she felt the events of that night start to creep slowly out of their exile. An uncomfortable sensation shot through her. Silence dominated the space between them until Josh asked, "What are you doing here?"  
"I go to school here," Denise replied, giving him a look that clearly said 'duh'. Josh smiled sarcastically.  
"Obviously. I meant what are you doing at a party."  
"Oh." She felt her cheeks grow warm. "My roommate dragged me here. Nessa Palmer. Do you know her?"  
"Sort of. I've seen her around at other parties."  
"Oh." More silence.  
"So… do you wanna dance?"   
"Not really," Denise said.  
"Me either." They laughed awkwardly. "Whaddaya say we get a drink instead and find somewhere private where we can…talk."  
  
Somewhere deep inside Denise, an alarm bell went off. But because of her alcohol-induced ignorance she couldn't hear it, and therefore did not object as Josh handed her a beer and led her out onto the small back porch of the frat house. They sat down on the wicker loveseat, each sipping habitually on their drink.  
"So, it's been awhile," Josh said.  
"Yeah."  
"Like, over a year."  
"I know."  
"What have you been up to?"  
Denise shrugged. "The usual. Nothing."  
"I see."  
"You?"  
"The same."  
"Oh."  
It was painfully obvious that their conversation was getting nowhere. Before either of them could prevent it, idle chitchat ensued.  
"So… do you know what you want to major in?" Denise inquired.  
"Political science. But I'll probably change my mind a million times before I actually declare one. How about you?"  
"English, probably."  
"That's cool."  
"Yeah." Denise glanced quickly down at her drink and was shocked to find that her cup was empty. Whoa, she thought. How did that happen?   
"Um, Denise?" Josh asked.  
"What?"  
"Are you… seeing anyone right now?" Denise held up her right hand and pointed to the ring she wore on her little finger. "You're married?"  
She giggled. "You're such a smart ass."  
Josh laughed too. "No, seriously, are you with someone?"  
She nodded. "Seriously, I'm serious with someone."  
"Who?"  
"That's not really any of your--"  
"Kenny Fisher?" Josh interjected. An expression of shock made itself present on Denise's face.  
"Yeah. How did you know?"  
"I saw you guys together at a club once."  
"Oh." She glanced away, uncomfortable with the topic of conversation.  
"I was really surprised," Josh continued. Denise looked at him suspiciously.  
"Why?"  
He shrugged. "I just never thought you'd go for a guy like him." Denise closed her eyes and shook her head.  
"Josh, you don't know me that well anymore. How could think you know what type of guys I go for?"  
He shrugged again. "I dunno. It was just a feeling I had. I mean, he's a lot different than me."  
Denise narrowed her eyes. "Why would you think I'd only go for guys like you?"  
"Because I was your first. And old habits die hard."  
She laughed. "Old habits? Josh, we had a fling in your car once and then we never talked again. That hardly qualifies as a habit."  
"Well, either way..." He grimaced and let his voice trail off.  
"Either way what?"  
He looked down. "Nothing."  
"No, what?"  
"Just never mind."  
"No, tell me."  
"Well... I just always wondered... what happened? Like, why did it get so weird with us?"  
Denise fidgeted with her cup. "I dunno," she answered.  
"Was it... you know..." He stared at her provocatively. She shifted nervously under his gaze.  
"I don't know," she repeated.  
"I mean, it wasn't bad for you or anything, was it?" Josh pressed. Denise let out a long breath.  
"Look, I don't really think we should be talking about this," she told him.  
"Okay," he said. "We don't have to talk. We can do this instead." He leaned forward and kissed her lips, trying to get her to open her mouth. She pulled back before he could make it any further.  
"Josh!" she exclaimed. "What the hell are you--"  
He ignored her protests and kissed her again, this time using his tongue. She tried to struggle against him, but only momentarily. As she realized that she was enjoying the affection, Denise allowed herself to relax and close her eyes. And after a minute or two, she wrapped her arms around his neck and began returning his kisses. I guess I missed this more than I thought.  
  
Denise had to admit that Josh was a better kisser than Kenny. Kenny had come quite a long way from the eager, boyish kisses he'd given Denise when they'd first gotten together, but that hint of inexperience still remained in his technique. Josh, however, had an extremely refined technique. He was calculated without being mechanical, wet without being sloppy. He was intricate.  
  
Denise let her mind wander as she and Josh sank deeper into their passion. Her head was spinning with a million giddy thoughts, her vision swimming with a million bright colors. Her body jerked with nerves as he put his hands on her legs and moved them up and around to her back and shoulders. She caressed his face lightly with her fingers, giving a sigh of delight. It feels so nice, she thought. I wonder if we're gonna...  
  
The minutes ticked by and their making out grew more and more intense. Josh's hands were all over her, running through her hair, down the back of her neck, over her stomach. Denise knew that what he was doing should have added to her pleasure, but for some reason it turned her off. His hands felt greedy and taking instead of gentle and giving like Kenny's. They played without caution over her chest, toying with the zipper on her sweater, pulling at her collar. She made no move to stop it, though, until he started to take her top off. The cold night air leaked into her half-open shirt, shocking a moment of sobriety into her.   
Jesus Christ! What the hell am I doing?!?!?  
  
"Josh, stop it," Denise said, pulling away from his lips.   
He gave her a confused look. "What's the problem?"  
"Just stop it."  
"Why?"  
"Because I don't want to do this anymore."  
"Yes you do."   
"No, I don't! We're drunk. This isn't right."  
He kissed her deeply. "Yes it is."  
She pushed him away. "Get off of me! Now!"  
Josh leaned back a little, but kept his hold on her body. He smiled coolly and asked, "What? You don't think I can give it to you better than Whitey Fisher?" He gave a barking laugh and attempted to press his lips back up against hers, but she shoved him off. Anger bubbled like lava in her chest, exploding into a burning fury. He tried to kiss her a second time and she hit him square across the face.  
"OW!" he exclaimed, recoiling in pain. "You bitch! What the hell was that for?"  
"I told you to get the fuck off of me! Now let me go or I'll do it again!"   
A look of rage passed across Josh's face, and for a second Denise thought that he was going to hit her. But instead he let go of her, throwing her onto her feet. She zipped her shirt back up and stepped off the porch into the surrounding yard. As she started quickly on her way back to her dorm, she heard Josh call after her, "You're gonna regret this, baby!"  
I already do, she thought. I regret this whole Goddamned night. 


	3. Consequences

Denise let herself angrily into the dorm and flipped on the overhead light. She flinched as an unbearable brightness filled the room, immediately turning the light back off to stop the pain. She groped through the darkness until she reached a small table lamp and turned that on instead. It cast a dim, tolerable glow about the room, bathing everything in a soft, orange light. Denise took a deep breath and then headed toward the bedroom area to change. She ripped her clothes off, replacing her sweater with an oversized NYU sweatshirt and her jeans with a pair of boxers. She pulled her hair out of her face and threw it up into a messy ponytail, then flopped heavily down onto her bed.   
  
The buzz from the alcohol was gone. All that was left in its place was a dull headache that pounded mercilessly in her ears. That was so not beer, Denise thought. Two cups of plain beer wouldn't have fucked me up like that. She draped an arm over her eyes, trying to forget about what she'd just done. I just cheated on Kenny. On Kenny. What the hell is wrong with me? Regret welled up inside her, manifesting itself in the form of a single tear. I have to tell him, she decided. I won't be able to live with myself if I don't. She got up off her bed and retrieved the cordless phone from its cradle near the door. She held the phone idly for a moment, trying to get up the courage to dial Kenny's number. Finally she allowed her fingers to press the buttons and brought the receiver up to her ear, waiting in terror to hear the voice of the person she loved.   
  
Ring. Ring. Ring.  
  
How am I gonna do this?  
  
Ring. Ring. Ring.   
  
Please don't let him be home.  
  
CLICK.  
  
"Hey, this is Kenny. I'm not here, so leave me one after the beep."  
Denise felt sick to her stomach as his answering machine let out a long tone. She took a deep breath, willing her voice to sound even, but the normalcy was strangled out of it by the guilt caked thickly in the back of her throat.   
"Hey Kenny, it's just me," she said. "Um, I really need to talk to you about something, so call me as soon as you get this message. I don't care how late--"  
CLICK.  
Denise heard a yawn at the other end of the line. "Denny?"  
Her heart began to race. "Kenny?"  
"Hi hon," came the groggy affirmation.  
"Did I wake you?"  
"Yeah, but it's okay. I fell asleep doing homework. You know how that is."  
Denise forced a laugh.  
"So what's up?" Kenny asked. "Is everything all right? You sound stressed."  
"I am," she told him.  
"What's wrong? University life getting to ya?" He smiled audibly. Denise bit her lip, trying to keep her voice from wavering.  
"Listen, Kenny, I did something really stupid tonight, something that I really, really wish had never happened."   
In her mind's eye, she could see the grin sliding off his face.  
"Okay, I take it this isn't a happy call. What did you do?"  
"I... I, uh..."  
"Go on, spit it out."  
"I...I... God, this is so hard..."  
"What?" he pressed. "You're starting to freak me out."   
She squeezed her eyes shut and placed a hand on her forehead. "I...I... oh, God," she repeated. "I hooked up with another guy."   
Denise did not breathe as she awaited Kenny's reaction.  
"Hahaha," he said. "Seriously, what'd you do?"  
"I'm not kidding, Kenny," she whispered. A stunned silence followed.   
"You're...you're not?"  
She shook her head, a useless gesture seeing as they were not face-to-face. "I am so sorry," she said.  
More silence.  
"Kenny?"  
"Why?"  
"I... I was drunk," she admitted abashedly.  
"Drunk?" he repeated, shocked. "You were drinking? Why were you drinking?"  
Denise swallowed hard. "I was at a... at a party. My roommate took me."  
"How much did you drink?"  
"Like... two cups."  
"Two cups. You're trying to blame this on two cups of beer?"  
"It wasn't beer!"  
"Well, what was it then?"   
Denise was scared by the calm in Kenny's voice. "I don't know," she told him. "I mean, it was beer, but I think there was something else mixed in with it. Like an upper or something."  
"An upper? Like what?"  
"I have no idea."  
"So you don't know what you were drinking?"  
"No."  
Kenny contemplated this for a moment. "Denise, do you have any idea how dangerous that is?" he said. "Especially since you don't drink a lot anway! You have no tolerance for alcohol!"  
"I know!"  
"You could have gotten raped or something!"  
"Kenny, I know!" Denise said, raising her voice. "You don't have to lecture me about this! I'm 18! God, give me some credit here!"  
"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Kenny exclaimed. "Don't go off on me about lecturing you when you just cheated on me!"   
She flinched. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean for anything to happen, though! I was all messed up from the alcohol. And I hadn't seen him in so long, and then he gave me a drink and took me out on the back porch, and we were talking and remembering, and--"  
"Wait," he said. "You hadn't seen him in so long? Who was it?"  
Denise gave a silent sob."Josh... Josh Briggs."  
"Josh Briggs," Kenny repeated slowly, not able to believe what he'd just heard. "As in the Josh Briggs who got me suspended in 11th grade for supposedly having pot in my locker?"  
"Yeah," she whispered. "That one."  
She heard Kenny breathing heavily on the other end of the line, trying to control his anger.  
"Denise, do you understand how much this hurts me?" he asked her. "I mean, now instead of imagining you with some friggen NYU prep, all I can see is you with the kid who helped ruin my chances of getting into a good school."  
"Please," she said softly. "I'm so sorry."  
Kenny sighed. "Sorry doesn't fix things like this."  
"I swear to God it won't happen again," she told him. "Don't you trust me?"  
"I trusted you more than anyone else in the world, Denise," he said, choking with hurt. "I trusted that you wouldn't mess around on me in the first place, but you did. That's a hard thing to forgive."  
"Please try," she said.  
Kenny took a deep breath. "I don't know, Denise. I just don't know."   
"Don't know what?" she asked, afraid of the reply.  
Kenny gave a small gasp, as if he couldn't believe what he was about to say. "I don't know if this long-distance thing is going to work out."   
The words hit Denise like a train.   
"Wh-what do you mean?" she said, a note of panic shrilling her voice.  
"I mean," Kenny started, "that when there's no trust, there's no relationship."  
Her eyes went wide as the meaning of this statement sunk in, and tears clowly creeped into her throat. She swallowed them down, unwilling to stop fighting.   
"But I trust you! A-and you said that you trust me more than anyone!"  
"No," he told her, his voice saturated with sadness. "I said that I trusted you. And right now I'm not sure what I feel about you, except for incredibly hurt and angry."  
Denise was burning up with shame. She was desperate for something to make everything all right again. "At least I called you to tell you about it, Kenny," she said. "I mean, I could have just kept it to myself and saved us all this trouble, but I thought you needed to know."  
"Is that how you figure everything evens out?" he asked. "You hooked up with someone else, but since you're telling me about it then it's all okay?"   
"No, but I thought maybe you'd appreciate the fact that I decided to confess."  
"I do appreciate it. But it doesn't make things better."  
Denise's heart sank. "So this is it then? Just like that... we're done?"  
Kenny sniffed before he spoke again, and she realized that he was crying. "For a while," he said. "I just can't deal with this right now."  
"Please think about it," Denise begged. "Do you know what it's doing to me knowing you're mad at me?"  
"Do you know what it's doing to me knowing that you were unfaithful?"  
She was crying openly now. "Please don't end this. I'm so so so so sorry!"  
Kenny made a strangled noise in the back of his throat, the hybrid of a sob and a sigh. "Denise, don't make this harder for me than it already is," he said. "I have to go now."  
"Don't, Kenny, please."  
"Goodbye, Denise."  
"Kenny! Wait--"  
CLICK.  
"I love you," Denise whispered to the dial tone. A wave of nausea swept over her as alcohol meshed with tumultuous emotions, and bile rose up in her throat. She dropped the phone and ran to the bathroom, making it there just in time. She sank to her knees in front of the toilet as the contents of her stomach spilled out.  
  
Denise finished vomiting and climbed shakily to her feet. She made her way to the small, ceramic sink and turned on the faucet, cupping her hands beneath the flow of freezing water. She splashed a few shocking handfuls onto her face, then leaned against the basin, squinting painfully into the mirror. The person staring back at her was a wreck. Red hair clung to a clammy forehead, standing out against pale skin like fire against snow. The crimson swelling of tears and exhaustion clouded big, green eyes, creating an illusion of lifelessness. There was no trace of emotion left on the face she saw in the mirror, but she knew it was hurting.  
  
Denise turned away from the sink and walked slowly to her bed, feeling hollow and drained. She laid down and curled up tightly into a ball, shutting her eyes against reality. This is not happening, she told herself. This can't be happening. Not to me and Kenny.   
  
But she knew that it was happening. The one sturdy rope in her life was beginning to unravel, and it was all her fault. She wished so badly that she could go back in time and do the whole night over, right all the wrong decisions she'd made. She never would have gone out on the back porch alone with Josh. She never would have kept drinking after the suspicion arose that her beer was spiked. She never would have allowed Nessa to convince her to go to the party in the first place. She never would have...  
  
"Denise?"  
Her miserable thoughts were interrupted by a slightly slurred voice coming from the front of the dorm. It was Nessa.  
"Are you here?"  
Denise lifted her head from the soggy pillow and wiped her eyes. "I'm on my bed," she answered. Nessa ambled back to Denise, stumbling tipsily.   
"Where did you go?" she asked, leaning over Denise's limp form. "Why did you leave without telling me?"   
Denise sat up. "I needed to get out of there," she said quietly.  
"Um, okay. But I thought you said you'd come get me if--" Nessa stopped short as she noticed Denise's tear-stained complexion. "Oh my God, what happened to you?"  
Denise took a deep breath, forcing her emotions to stay inside. "I had a rough night," she said.  
Nessa sat down next to her, peering concernedly at her face. "Obviously! What happened?"  
She shook her head. "Lots of things."  
"Like what?"  
Denise shrugged. "Just... things."  
"Denise, it takes a lot to get you shaken up like this. Tell me what happened." Nessa's tone turned from curious and concerned to firm and almost scared. Denise sighed.  
"Well, first of all, my boyfriend just broke up with me."  
Nessa's eyes went wide. "Why?!?"  
Denise drew her knees up, resting her head on them. "I cheated on him," she said, voice dripping with guilt.  
A look of shock made itself visible of Nessa's face. "How did he find out?"   
Denise closed her eyes. "I called him and told him."  
Nessa leaned back and shook her head. "Ooooooh," she said understandingly. "That was a brave thing to do. But it probably wasn't the best idea, hon."  
She looked up. "I know. But I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if I hadn't told him. I mean, it would have hurt him so much more if he'd found out from someone else. It was bad enough coming from me."  
Nessa nodded. "That's true. But I mean, who else would have told him?"  
Denise swallowed. "The guy I cheated with. I-- I went to high school with him. He and Kenny hated each other, so he'd take any excuse to hurt him. I couldn't let that happen."   
Nessa stared at her for a moment. "You really love Kenny, huh?"  
Denise nodded. "Yeah."  
"And he loves you just as much."  
"Yeah. At least I hope he still does," she added. A single tear made its way onto her face. She wiped it away quickly, but not before Nessa could see. She placed a hand on Denise's back, rubbing gently.  
"Hey," she said. "It's okay. You guys will make up. You're just being... tested."  
Denise shrugged slowly. "I really hope so. I screwed up big time, though."   
"It's okay," she repeated. "We all get kinda crazy sometimes."  
"I guess."  
Nessa sighed. "So what else happened tonight?"  
Denise groaned and flopped down onto her back. "Well, I got so drunk I puked my guts out after I got off the phone with Kenny. But I guess the fact that I was wasted enough to mess around with another guy tipped you off to that."  
Nessa frowned. "How much did you have to drink?"  
"The one you gave me and then one more."  
"That got you trashed? Just two beers?"  
Denise shrugged again. "I don't know. I don't think it was just beer though. I think there might have been an upper in it."  
Nessa shifted uncomfortably. "What makes you think that?"   
Denise gave her a quizzical look. "Well, like you just said, two plain beers wouldn't mess me up to the point of cheating."  
Nessa glanced at the floor. "Oh. Well, I didn't mean that it couldn't get you trashed, I just meant that... uh... maybe you thought you were more drunk than you actually were. Or something."  
Denise sat up and narrowed her eyes. "What do you mean thought I was drunk? I don't think puking for five minutes straight comes from a state of mind."  
Nessa covered her eyes with her hand. "I didn't mean it to sound like that. I just..." She sighed. "Look, I have to tell you something, and you have to promise me you won't get mad."  
Denise looked at her wearily. Nessa's display of guilty behavior was starting to perturb her. "Nessa," she said carefully. "Did you put an upper in my drink?"  
Nessa shook her head. "No."  
Denise frowned. "Then why--"  
"I put a downer in it," she said, looking away. Denise stared at her in complete shock, not wanting to believe that her suspicions had been confirmed.  
"You... you what?!?!"  
"I put a downer in your drink," Nessa repeated.  
"I heard you!" Denise snapped.  
Nessa winced. "Look, I'm sorry. I just wanted you to wind down and enjoy yourself instead of being all tense and uptight. I--"  
Denise raised a hand to silence her. "No. I cannot believe this. What the hell would possess you to do something so stupid?"  
She shrugged. "I don't know."  
"Well hurry up and figure it out!"  
She sighed. "I guess I... I knew you wouldn't drink enough willingly to completely relax. I thought I was doing you a favor."  
Denise shot her a venomous look. "Oh, yeah, Nessa, you did me a real favor. Do you even understand what a total fucking mess my life is right now?"  
"That's not my fault," Nessa replied. "It's not like I planned for you to hook up with someone else."  
Denise recoiled, momentarily speechless. "That's not the issue here!"   
"I think it is," Nessa said. "You're mad at me because I tried to get you to loosen up and you took it a step too far."  
"Yeah, a step I never would have taken if you hadn't put an upper in my drink!"  
"It was a downer," Nessa corrected.  
"Whatever!" she snapped.   
Nessa stood up. "Look, Denise, I made a mistake and I'm sorry. I didn't expect you to freak out like this."  
Denise got to her feet, facing her roomate. "Why shouldn't I freak out like this?" she demanded. "None of this would have happened if it hadn't been for you and your Goddamned drugs!"  
Nessa scowled. "Stop trying to shove this off on me," she spat. "And it wasn't drugs, it was Darvocet. Prescription."  
"Same fucking thing!"Denise exclaimed.  
"No, it's not," Nessa said. "There's a big difference between--"  
Denise shook her head. "Spare me the technicalities, okay?"  
Nessa shrugged. "Fine."  
Denise clenched her fists, livid at Nessa's coldness and blatant lack of remorse. Intense anger slithered through her veins, coiling up like a snake getting ready to strike. Calm down, calm down, she told herself. But she couldn't be calmed, no matter how hard she tried to keep her temper under control. Finally, she exploded. "Jesus Christ, Vanessa, are you even human?!" she shouted. "What's with the sudden lack of emotion? I thought you were so concerned about wanting me to make friends and wanting me to socialize and all that shit. Can't come to terms with the fact that you made a major mistake, can you?"  
"I can't come to terms with the fact that I've made a major mistake?" Nessa repeated, raising her voice. "Oh my God, you are in total denial!"  
"Oh really?" Denise said. "In denial of what exactly?"  
"In denial of the fact that I'm not the one who's most at fault here! I'm not the one who cheated on my boyfriend, okay?"  
Those words hit Denise like a stake through the heart, numbing her fury. "That was harsh, Vanessa," she said quietly. "And totally irrelevant."  
Nessa threw up her hands. "What is relevant here, Denise? Because you really can't seem to make up your mind!"   
Denise glared at her as sadness and betrayal overpowered her anger. "You want to know what's relevant here?" she asked, tiny daggers of emotion stabbing at the back of her eyes. "The fact that you were the only person in this whole fucked-up school that I trusted. The only person I could actually call a friend. I put up with all your shit, all the guys you bring back here, all the times you came back totally wasted, everything... because I thought maybe it would make it easier for myself if I had a friend here." She took a step toward Nessa before continuing. "But I guess I was wrong. Really, really wrong. Because having that friend cost me the person I love most in the world."  
Nessa stood in silence for a moment, contemplating what had been said. A mixed look of rage, guilt and hurt contorted her face, and when she opened her mouth to speak, a sob escaped. "I'm sorry," she said. She struggled for a moment to regain her composure and took a step away from Denise. "I guess I... I'm a lot drunker than I thought."  
"I guess so," Denise replied.  
"I get really... aggressive... when I drink too much."  
"Really?" Denise asked. "I never would have guessed."  
Nessa continued, ignoring the sarcasm in Denise's voice. "Mood swings, too," she said. "Manic ones."  
Denise nodded. "I figured that much."  
Nessa looked at Denise, regret flashing over and over again in her eyes. "I'm out of it," she said quietly. "I'm really sorry. Is there anything... anything I can do?"  
Denise sighed and sat down on her bed. "I need to be alone for awhile," she told her. "Could you leave?"  
Nessa shook her head. "Yeah. I'll go hang out at Keith's 'til I cool off." She winced. "I've got a killer headache."  
"Take a Darvocet," Denise suggested. The mocking humor was wasted on Nessa.  
"I think I will," she said. "Just let me grab some and then I'll go."  
Denise watched her as she walked to the bathroom and opened the medicine cabinet. She noticed a sudden fatigue in her stride, like there was an enormous weight on her shoulders. Nessa removed a small, plastic bottle from the cabinet and dumped three pills into her hand, then tipped her head back and dropped them into her mouth, swallowing sans water. She walked back to the bedroom and stood in front of Denise. "I really am sorry."  
"I know," Denise said. "A lot happened to me tonight, though, and I'm not really ready to forgive you."  
Nessa nodded. "Yeah. I'll come back tomorrow when we've both slept it off, and then we can talk, okay?"  
"Okay," Denise said. Nessa looked at her a moment longer before turning and walking out of the dorm.  
__________________________________________________________________________________  
  
To: WhtBizkit699@aol.com  
From: SxFtUndr@yahoo.com  
Date Sent: 9/27/98   
Time Sent: 12:54:09 AM EST  
  
Subject: dont delete this  
----------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Kenny~  
i know this wont make much of a difference, but i need to tell you... my drink *was* spiked tonight, thats why i got as out of it as i did... my roommate came home and confessed to putting darvocet in it, we got in a huge fight, things are messy here... um, ill keep this short cuz i know ur really pissed at me, but i wanted to say again im really really really sorry about everything... i guess i know how u feel now, as far as feeling betrayed goes... maybe we can talk soon, try to straighten things out... ok... bye  
~Denise  
_______________________________________________________________________________________________  
  
To: SxFtUndr@yahoo.com  
From: WhtBizkit699@aol.com  
Date Sent: 9/27/98   
Time Sent: 6:02:51 AM EST  
  
Re: dont delete this  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------  
im srry u and ur roommate r in a fight... that was stupid of her 2 do that to u... but i need to think about a lot of stuff b4 we can start straightening out our relationship... i guess ive calmed down a little but im no less hurt... ill email u when im ready to talk this out... cya  
-Kenny  
______________________________________  
  
To: WhtBizkit669@aol.com  
From: SxFtUndr@yahoo.com  
Date Sent: 9/27/98  
Time Sent: 11:14:43 AM EST  
  
Re: re: dont delete this  
------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Kenny~  
thx for reading that, i was afraid youd just delete it (if u couldn't tell by the subject)... nessa and i had a long talk this mornin and stuff is better between us now... still shaky, but better... i hope things between *us* can get better too... i know u probably dont want to hear from me right now, but just do me this one thing-- dont lose touch... im not going to classes today (too sick & upset) so ill be here if u wanna write... ok...bye  
~Denise  
_______________________________________________________________________________________________  
  
To: SxFtUndr@yahoo.com  
From: WhtBizkit669@aol.com  
Date Sent: 9/27/98  
Time Sent: 8:33:56 PM EST  
  
Re: re: re: dont delete this  
------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
glad u and ur roommate fixed things... srry i cant say the same 4 us yet... i wont lose touch, but i need some time 2 think w/o distractions (you), so dont email me for a little while... like i said, ill write (or call) when im ready...cya  
-Kenny  
______________________________________  
  
To: WhtBizkit669@aol.com  
From: SxFtUndr@yahoo.com  
Date Sent: 9/28/98  
Time Sent: 9:13:50 PM EST  
  
Re: re: re: re: dont delete this  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Kenny~  
this is the last 1, i promise... just wanted to say again that im srry... maybe ill hear from u in not 2 long... that woud be nice... well, i guess i should go now... homework... so, goodbye... not 4ever i hope...  
~Denise   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
